Alucard's Day Off
by Charmed Wolf
Summary: Now what would happen if Integra had caught a cold and gave Alucard a night off? well, that turns into a week and he's bored, what hilarity could come of that? This is my very first fan fiction for Hellsing, so please read and review. AlucardxSeras!
1. Uhoh, colds and boredom

Alucard's Day Off

By: Charmed Wolf

Hi, I'm new at writing a Hellsing fan fiction, so I'm kind of nervous on how this will turn out. This will be a multi-chaptered if I could stay on subject and plot, that's were I'll need the help from the reviews. Well, onto the elaborate disclaimer I had planned for this fan fiction, I do not own the characters of Hellsing in any shape or form, they belong to Kouta Hirano.

/and italics is Alucard's mental connection to Seras Victoria.

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**Order 01.**

Sitting in his big chair, he was waiting for his master to call for him and his Fledgling to come to the office for work, Alucard couldn't help but to reminisce on how he met the police girl in the village of death, Cheddar. Integra was his master and she was never in a good mood since taking the head of the Hellsing Institution, he was okay that, learning to deal with it. _'She would normally call me to her office; I'm going to see what is going on,'_ the ancient vampire thought as he blended through ceiling to Integra's office to see what his master was up to, Integra had been up for most of the night with a cold and she wasn't in the office like always and always working.

"Walter, where is Integra?" Alucard asked leaving the office; Walter just led Alucard to Integra's room. Something wasn't quite right either with this, so what Alucard was thinking.

"Well, the oddest thing happened, someone left the window open," Walter said to try to ease Alucard's mind, it was winter and snow started to fall at a steady rate. It had been a while since Alucard had seen the fluffy white stuff, not since being in home in Romania.

"I wonder how that happened," Alucard sarcastically said rolling his unnaturally red eyes at the whole matter, once in Integra's room, the humidifier was going as Alucard could see the steam and then Integra in bed. A cough came from the bed; of course it was Integra coughing. "Alucard, I'm not feeling well enough to deal with you," a sneezing Integra said to a vampire that was practically now officially bored, "You get to have the night off until I'm over this blasted cold after the window was left open." To Alucard, that left him to have fun with Seras, but that involves waking her up and telling her that Integra was sick with a cold form a window left open.

Trying to figure out what to do on a night off was giving Alucard a headache, he asked Walter for two glasses and a bottle of blood. "Right away, Honorable Alucard, I will also make sure that you have your privacy with Miss Seras," Walter said leaving to make sure that Alucard has what he needs to stay occupied…with Seras Victoria. Well, that was about the time Seras to get up, it didn't matter how late she was since they had the night off and Alucard is rather bored.

_'The bloody hell, I'm late! My master is going to kill me!'_ Seras though as she rushed around her room getting dressed until she heard her master's voice…_/Oh, stop it, police girl, Integra had caught a cold and she's in bed, we have the night off and I'm bored…/_

_'Wait, did master say he was bored? I don't want to think of what he could do when bored at this time of night,'_ Seras thought as she stopped…_/Police girl, I want you to come to my chambers when you're done thinking…/_ Alucard really was bored and the boredom was getting worse as the other problem, Alucard was wanting another kind of fun with Seras, oh what a night this was.

With Integra not feeling well, Alucard bored, well, the only thing he could do was to teach Seras to be a real Draculina…oh what fun or not! _//Okay, Master, what are we going to do? I can't leave you bored…//_ Seras communicated with Alucard, that the Ancient vampire just rolled his eyes at what Seras said, she finally gets into Alucard's chambers only to see there was a bottle of blood out and two glasses to the side of the bottle of blood, yet Alucard seemed to be asleep then.

_'Oh, so he fell asleep waiting for me…oh well.'_ Seras turned to leave the chambers until she heard her master's voice in her head, boy she's in trouble now with Alucard. "Seras, I wasn't sleeping, I grew tired of waiting for you to come to my chambers," Alucard said looking at the now frightened girl, Alucard didn't care if he was bored, he was going to get this done…somehow.

Seras nearly screamed at the sound of Alucard's rich voice, she felt like she was really in trouble with the bored ancient vampire. "Let me ask you why you don't drink blood like you should in the first place, Police girl," Alucard looked at Seras questionally; Seras was looking for a way out to escape answering Alucard. But those eyes press into her to get her to answer; she tried to think of an answer…well, somewhat of an answer. "Well, I'm afraid that you won't be my master anymore…" then there was the laugh from Alucard, oh well, now would be the time to show Seras that he will still be her master, even when she drinks blood…if she would drink what was given…

Alucard just laughed looking at Seras, and then he moved a hand to motion Seras to come to him. "Come here, Police girl, even if you do drink blood, I'll still be your master," Alucard said as he looked at Seras, so as it happens, Seras goes to her master…what was Alucard getting into?

Both glasses, which sat to the side of the bottle of blood, were ready to be filled with life force. _'Oh, what have I gotten into now?'_ Seras though as she saw Alucard fill one glass with his blood and then the cut healed on its own, Alucard looked to if Seras was okay…the girl had passed out onto the floor. It took awhile, Alucard had finally gotten Seras off the floor…the real work begins.

"Master, why did you cut your own wrist?" Seras asked as she looked at the now full glass in front of her, Alucard wanted Seras to drink his blood and become a full vampire.

To Alucard's amusement, Seras picked up the glass and started to drink the blood, slowly at first and then it started to pick up. "Good, Police girl, very well done," Alucard laughed watching Seras drink his blood, this was going to be interesting to see how she would react to the blood she drank. Seras started to notice the changes right away as Alucard got up and walked to her, Seras stayed were she stood as Alucard started to caress her cheek and gently to pull her into a kiss.

"Now, be careful, my Draculina, you know my blood is within you now," Alucard smiled at her caressing her cheek, Seras was begging for another kiss form Alucard. A smile comes across Alucard's face as his hand caresses Seras's cheek, the next kiss was going to have to wait until Seras could learn on how to control the power that was Alucard's blood…if any control could be had.

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YAY!! First Hellsing Fan fiction written! GO ME!! This is an Alucard x Seras Fiction, so please be gentle with me, this is my first time writing a Hellsing fan fiction! I do expect some nice reviews, so please read and review this fiction!


	2. Red, Green Dye and Missing undergarments

Alucard's Day Off

By Charmed Wolf

Hi, I'm back for a new chapter and this one is going to be longer than the first chapter, so I'm just excited about this fan fiction and also hoping that there are people that like this fiction. Well, onto the disclaimer, I seriously do not own Hellsing; they will stay with their creator, Kouta Hirano.

/ plus italics, Alucard's telepathic connection with Seras

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**Order 02.**

Meanwhile, Walter was checking in on Integra, of course the lady knight didn't like being in bed, but she knew that the window was open. "Walter, what is Alucard doing?" Integra asked knowing full well she wasn't going to like the answer, she should have known that Alucard would be bored during a time off. Oh what things could possibly happen around the Hellsing Mansion with Alucard bored, Integra didn't want to think about it too much when it comes to Alucard. "Alucard is trying to teach Miss Seras on to be a real Draculina," Walter said as he was fixing up some tea for Integra to drink, well, which should have kept Alucard busy…he wasn't busy for long with Seras.

Soon, there were things that were starting to disappear or reappear in strange places, mainly, it was apparent those strange things happen since Alucard's boredom. "Walter, why is the steam green all of a sudden?" Integra asked looking at the humidifier; Walter was just as perplexed as Integra about the green steam coming from the humidifier…Alucard was still bored.

Integra wanted to warn everyone about Alucard's boredom, and yet she still had the blasted cold from the open window. "My Lady, I will find out why the steam was green," Walter said as he walked to the door, before Integra could say anything, there was a splash from the top of the door.

Alucard had put a bucket of green water up on the door, now it was going to get out of hand if Alucard had gotten a hold of spiders and what not. "That's fine, Walter, do what you need to do and be careful," Integra was still out of it as she talked, Alucard was pretending to be asleep in his chair, he was actually planning what to do next as a random act. Seras was sitting reading when a strange shadow came into her room, so she thought nothing of it and went back to the book she was reading.

_'That was just odd…oh well,'_ soon as Seras thought that, her bras ended up missing for some reason. It was the same with Integra's bras and underwear, of course, the leader of Hellsing was suspecting that Alucard was still bored. "Master, where in the bloody hell is my bras?" Seras asked looking at Alucard, who just looked innocent at Seras. Behind him was a pile of bras and underwear from Integra's drawer and of course, Seras's drawer, Alucard was the shadow stealing the bras.

"Oh how did those get there?" Alucard playfully asked wanting to get his hands on his fledgling, Seras wanted to escape Alucard's chamber when he got that mischievous look on his lips when he looked at her. Before Seras knew it, Alucard had a hold of her and she knew what he was thinking, Alucard had that one weird smirk and he knew what he wanted…poor Seras.

"Well, what are you going to do to get out of this, Draculina?" Alucard smirked as he held Seras to the wall, the former police girl was thinking of what to do with Alucard. She was still mad at him for stealing her bras from her drawer, with the new strength; she shoves the ancient vampire and then pounced on him. "Oh, now that's what I was expecting, my Draculina," Alucard just smirked at Seras; he only kissed her before Seras could say anything to the ancient vampire. It was clear that the bras were going to have to be returned to his fledgling and his master, well; before she finds out that her bras are missing, if she hadn't found out already. "Alucard, you better return my underwear and bras to my room before I will have you imprisoned," Integra growled at Alucard after Seras had gotten off her master, Integra indeed found out about the missing bras and underwear.

She also found out that Alucard turned the water green by adding dye to the water line in the entire mansion; Alucard was going to be in trouble if he didn't fix it, and Integra didn't care if Alucard was extremely bored when she wasn't well or too busy to deal with him. "Master, I suppose you also found out about the green dye in the water," Alucard mischievously looked at his master, neither Integra nor Seras wanted to now what the ancient vampire was thinking.

"Yes, I did, I'm not going to punish you unless you don't fix it," Integra was clearly still not feeling well, she wasn't in any kind of mood for Alucard's behavior despite the face he's bored. Seras was taking her bras back to her room; Alucard comes up with the red dye in the water of the entire mansion, thus further making Integra mad…at him. _'No on else suspects me being bored,'_ Alucard started to think with a very mischievous look to his face, Seras actually didn't want any part of what was Alucard was thinking. Yet, he turned into a hellhound and went back to the water supply to change the green to the red dye, and that made Integra mad at the ancient vampire.

"Alucard, you're digging the hole deeper and I specifically told you to fix it," Integra was fuming mad now that the water was red; Seras was quiet not wanting to say a word to Alucard or Integra. But Alucard was having way too much fun with this; he had more to come before the end.

"Oh come on, I was just looking for something to do," Alucard grumbled with Integra was glaring him, with Seras; the worst was yet to come when it came to a bored vampire.

Walter kept quiet over Alucard's mischievous and bored behavior, Seras was actually trying to keep herself busy before she got bored. _'Well, I'll read again tonight,'_ Seras thought without noticing that Alucard was watching her, he was waiting for the opportunity to pounce on his fledgling.

Seras wasn't expecting her master into her room that night; at least certain unmentionables weren't being taken this time. _'What is my master doing in my room?'_ Seras thought as she looked to see the unnatural red eyes looking at her, she wasn't terrified of what Alucard going to do. She knew what Integra was going to do to Alucard for his behavior, and then he pounces on the unsuspecting police girl while she was reading. "So, Police Girl, what are you doing?" Alucard purred in Seras's ear while stroking her hair, it was a good thing that Integra was sleeping and Walter was busy.

Alucard knew he liked what he saw and knew what he wanted, at that time; he wanted his fledging after she had drunk his blood. "Master, I was reading when you pounced on me," Seras said as she looked at her master, she wondered if her pouncing on him turned him on…she was about to find out. That only proved her right that her master wanted her so bad, Alucard didn't know if he could chance it with Integra still mad at him for the dye in the water and for the missing bras and underwear.

"I would risk my freedom to make you mine, my Draculina," came a purr from Alucard as he continued to stroke Seras's hair, so far so good, no Integra…yet. Seras wanted Alucard herself and yet she knew that he still could be in trouble with Integra, Alucard didn't care about being in trouble with his master, all he cared about was Seras, his fledgling he made in Cheddar.

"Master, you would give up anything to make me yours," Seras said before Alucard kisses her right on the lips, so far, Integra wasn't in the room to punish Alucard for the pranks he was pulling.

Now, it was Seras that wanted her master after the fact that she was kissed by him; there was also a mischievous look to Alucard's eyes. "Oh, now that's what I want," Alucard laughed as he heard Seras purr, little did what Alucard knew that Integra was coming down to punish Alucard for the dye in the water and the missing bras and underwear. Little what Integra knew, Alucard wanted to have his fun with Seras, Integra was still pretty mad, but that really was obvious to see that as explained.

"Alucard, I'm coming for you," Integra said looking for Alucard, Seras had Alucard shirtless when she thought she heard Integra's voice. Alucard seemed to disappear with his shirt, trying to get away from Integra, he knew that Integra wanted to punish him for the dye, but he wasn't done.

_'I'm not even done being bored, my master is really pissed, this is getting fun,'_ Alucard thought laughing lying in his coffin, he was still thinking of ways to get himself into trouble with his master. He hoped that she hadn't put locks on her chest of drawers in her room, now which would be so much fun try on some clothes of a woman, not just any woman to make it interesting.

_'So I will just go back to reading, although I wonder if Alucard is done being bored,'_ Seras thought as she went back the book that she was reading before, she knew she wanted to have Alucard before Integra punishes her master for the stuff he was pulling as a result of being bored.

Walter didn't want Integra doing anything rash to Alucard for some of the pranks he was pulling; some of the pranks were quite harmless done with the water and the missing bras.

"But, Walter, it wasn't just the water; it was Seras's bras along with mine," Integra nearly yelled at the butler, but she knew that Walter was right about Alucard's pranks. Many of the pranks were just pretty harmless, like the bucket of water above the doorway or the food grade dye in the water. "Yes, Sir Integra, we just don't know what else Alucard will do, he's still bored," Walter was fixing tea for Integra; he kept in mind that Alucard still could be lurking about in the shadows.

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So now, I'm done with this chapter, and I was trying to think of some funny things for future chapters for the fanfic, so please send me some funny ideas! Well, I hope you like this chapter, it's a little longer than the first and I will work on the next chapter as soon as possible.

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For all my reviewers:

Alison slayer: It is my very first Hellsing fanfic, and yet I'm so glad you have review my work, it makes me happy.

Anime Stars: I have made some improvements and I'm still working on it, so you can say I'm a working progress on this fanfic. I'm still glad that you had reviewed my fanfic; I'm still going to make some improvements to it so it would be so confusing to the readers.

Hellsing's 2nd Nosferatu: I'm glad you found it to be intriguing, it's still a working process and that I do hope that you will like this new chapter. More will come, and I hope some funnier chapter would be a reality.

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Bye Bye, well, for now, I will come back with another chapter and more laughs. Please read and review.


	3. A glowing Major and Hornets

Alucard's Day Off

By: Charmed Wolf

I'm back for a third chapter of this fanfic, I hoped that you liked the second chapter; I just hope this one is even funnier than the last. It's still a working progress and I would like to see positive feedback, well, on to the disclaimer. I do not own Hellsing nor the characters within the manga; I collectively leave the characters with Kouta Hirano.

/plus the italics is Alucard's connection to Seras.

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**Order 03.**

Integra was up working on stuff in her office, she thought Alucard would be asleep with it now a bright out…but no, he wasn't. Alucard was in the basement in the lab of all places to be, he was working on some questionable food of all things. _'He'll never suspect this to be from Hellsing,'_ Alucard mischievously smirked as he continued his work, now all he need was a test subject and the best test subject was the Major from Millennium. Seras knew if she knew what was good, she wouldn't tell Integra what Alucard was doing in the lab in the middle of the day.

"Vhat am I doing here?" the Major had said looking about, all he got was some mischievous laughing from the bored vampire. There was a strange glowing from under the covers, and then the Major's stomach started to growl as the mischievous look deepened. That some how scared the Major when he found out that Alucard was bored, of course, the bored vampire had the lifted the cover on what seem to be glowing sweets and other stuff, it seemed that Alucard was going to enjoy it.

"Vhy is my food glowing?" the Major asked looking at the food; Alucard just chuckled for a moment before speaking. Walter didn't want to bother Alucard when Integra asked what her vampire was doing; there was no way that Seras was going to spy on her master. "Oh, just shut up and eat it now," the bored vampire growled a little bit, in which that started the Major a little. Alucard was laughing at the fact that the Major was eating the questionable food; Integra was going to find out what he was doing in the laboratory in the first place. _'It's clear to say that my master is utterly insane and proud of it,'_ Seras sighed as she heard her master's laughing and Integra going down to the laboratory to see what mess there was, but to say, there wasn't much of a mess…it was a war zone.

So what Integra did was to have Walter and Alucard to clean the war zone up, just as it was before Alucard got into to the lab, of course, it really looked overwhelming. "Oh my, Alucard really was bored and still is," Walter said as he started to clean the laboratory, Alucard went to the laboratory sulking after Integra caught her vampire feeding the Major questionable food.

Well, at least Integra hadn't punished her vampire, yet, and that Alucard was not through with what he had in mind. _'Maybe I should do something to the Mercenaries,'_ Alucard thought to himself for a bit looking for a nice pink tutu, now Alucard was looking for Pip Bernadette thoroughly through the Hellsing headquarters. Pip was out at the gun range with his crew practicing up some target practice with Seras, of course, the Draculina didn't know that Alucard was going to pull this little bit.

"No way will I wear a pink tutu," Pip grumbled looking at this bored vampire, but what he didn't know that Alucard already had Pip in the tutu. That caused the men start to laughing at what Alucard, now that bored vampire had something more for Pip too, like him dancing in ballet.

"Miss Seras, your master is out his mind if he wants me do ballet of all things," Pip said looking at Seras; well the Draculina knew that her master was insane and that was clearly not okay.

Still, she had to learn to deal with that like dealing with the fact that Pip is French and her master is from Romania, Integra was still clearly angry with Alucard with some of the things he was actually pulling and like his latest stunt with the Millennium's Major and the questionable food.

"Oh now he's making one of the Mercenaries wear a pink tutu, Walter," Integra said nearly making Walter laugh out loud, well now, Walter didn't want to make Integra mad at him since he treasured her too much to do that. Alucard seemed to have fun with this sort of prank on the French mercenary; Pip knew that Alucard was still not finished with him, not yet.

"Master, don't tell me that's peanut butter," Seras said looking at her master and the jar of peanut butter, Pip just looked at the peanut butter jar and wondered what Alucard was thinking.

Half the time Pip didn't want to enter Alucard's mind knowing how insane the vampire really was, Integra kept watching from the window to see what Alucard was going to do with the jar of peanut butter. "No way, the pink tutu was torture enough," Pip said looking at Alucard, who was holding the jar of peanut butter, Walter, Integra and Seras knew what Alucard was up to.

Pip was being chased by Alucard while wearing a pink tutu and with the jar of peanut butter in Alucard's hand; Walter, Integra and Seras knew what Alucard was doing when it came to being bored. _'Alucard is a bloody idiot for acting that way,'_ Integra thought as she watched Alucard chase Pip with the jar of peanut butter, Seras was going to attempt to stop her master from acting like a fool with the peanut butter while Pip was in the pink tutu, well at least attempt to with Integra watching.

Pip wanted the torture to end and for someone to catch Alucard, but that wasn't going to happen any time soon. _'Alucard sure likes to get himself into trouble,'_ Integra thought as she kept watching from the window, the things Alucard had been doing was going to get him into trouble one day. Walter was preparing tea for Integra as she was still watching the scene from the window; the laboratory was still a mess from what Alucard had done to the Millennium's Major.

"My lady, most of the mess was Alucard's doing and he hadn't touched it," Walter stated to Integra quietly, she wasn't too happy with Alucard with Pip in a pink tutu and being chased by a bored vampire with a jar of peanut butter in hand…the crunchy kind of peanut butter. Of course, Walter had to go outside to help Seras to get Alucard to clean up his mess in the laboratory, and that wasn't going to be easy to do with the No-life king. "Walter, how are you going to catch Alucard?" Integra asked watching Walter leave to go outside; of course the old butler didn't know unless he and Seras tried to get the bored vampire to clean the laboratory…well, just the mess that was created.

Once caught, Alucard was back to pouting being made to clean his mess, and Integra was going to make sure that Alucard's mess was cleaned up from the Laboratory. "But Master, do I have to clean this?" Alucard asked looking at his master; Integra didn't say anything and just kept watching Alucard making sure everything was cleaned up and put back. Meanwhile, the Major was wondering what was up with the Hellsing's vampire, it was like he flipped his lid and gone off the deep end.

"Vhat was up with Alucard?" the Major wondered as Dok came up to him, the strangest thing was happening. The Major was glowing from the questionable food and sweets he ate, Schrödinger and Dok wondered why their leader was glowing like a firefly on a summer night. "Herr Major, you're glowing…" Dok started to say and yet never finished what he said; they didn't know what just happened to the Millennium leader. Whatever happened to the Major was making Schrödinger get rather curious with the glowing; now the Major looked behind him to see if the catboy was behind him.

"Frauline, vhat is vrong vith your vampire? I'm glowing like a night stick you use on a night vhen your car breaks down," the Major said while having a video conference with Integra, the Major could see Alucard in the background laughing at the Major. Of course, Pip was still in the pink tutu with the peanut butter, the Major saw that Integra had the exact same problem…a bored vampire.

"Major, I had caught a cold several days ago from an open window and now Alucard is running around bored," well the Major should have seen that one coming when it came to Alucard and the need for combat, Seras was able to find stuff to do despite the fact she was falling in love with her master, from drinking his blood nearly two days ago and she knew that her master was bored.

Walter was doing his best to keep Integra well hydrated to get rid of the cold; Alucard on the other hand was in his chambers thinking of what he should do next. _'I wouldn't put it past my servant to pull a prank on the Section 13,'_ Integra thought as she went to lie down to rest, and that was exactly what Alucard did when reading his master's mind. All he needed to find though was hornet nests, and a lot of hornet nests if he was going to do this right. "Ah, and what they don't expect in their bathrooms in Rome," Alucard said to himself as he started to gather the nest, the hornets didn't even bother sting Alucard as if they knew he was a vampire. Of course, Alucard when to the Vatican looking for the Iscariot Section and their bathrooms, for the women's bathroom, Alucard turned into his girlycard form and enter the bathroom. "Walter, have you seen Alucard?" Integra asked her old butler, he just quietly shook his head and found Seras still sleeping in her coffin.

By then, Integra's phone was going off from a call from an irate Section 13 chief about the hornet nests in the bathrooms, now that was getting Integra pretty irate herself at her servant for all the pranks that were pulled. "Integra, you need to keep a leash on that vampire of yours before I send Anderson after him myself!" Father Maxwell exclaimed and yelled over the phone, Integra didn't need to be yelled at by the Iscariot section chief. That she couldn't get a word in with Father Maxwell, not with this stupid cold and now a bored vampire on the loose and she feared the worst.

"Now, you listen Father Maxwell, I have a damn cold and I don't need you yelling at me, especially when I know I need a leash on my servant," Integra yelled back, in which that made her head hurt, Father Maxwell could hear the laughing from Alucard about the hornet nests on the toilets in the bathrooms at the Iscariot Section at the Vatican. Well, Alucard must have read his master's mind and pulled off that prank, now all he was going to do is think of what to do next as far as pranks.

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YAY! I'm finally done with this chapter, it now be posted to the rest of the story that I have going. I do apologize for the delay, I have been having computer problems, just where my computer had been overheating and rebooting itself, so I'm sorry about that.

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Reviewer Zone:

LilyGirl101: I'm so glad that you enjoy my fanfiction, I'm sorry if I confused you. It's just a general point of view, that's all I'm using right now, with my other fanfiction; I'm still working out the kinks on the point of view. I'm still glad that you really like the funny stuff Alucard is doing; I appreciate your review to my story.

Hellsing's 2nd Nosferatu: Yes, I wouldn't put it past Alucard to gather hornet nests and put them in the Iscariot bathrooms, the bra and underwear was to make Seras and Integra mad and it was funny as hell to write that. Thank you for your review, I will have this up soon.

fantasygirlgowild113: Thank you for some of the wild ideas, some of the ideas I know will get used in later chapters, I do have Pip in a pink tutu and Alucard has peanut butter. So look forward to seeing your ideas being used, and thank you for the review, it proves most helpful.

iced diamond: Yes, if I do say so myself, like I said, your ideas will get used in later chapters. I like the idea of Alucard playing with makeup on Integra, that was get him into a lot of trouble, yet he excels at that. Thank you for the review, it was really appreciated.

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New chapter is ready, so please read and review!


	4. Dancing Pip and Bananas!

Alucard's Day Off

By: Charmed Wolf

Here am I with another chapter to the story, Alucard is still bored and still pulling some pranks. My disclaimer is still the same; I do not own Alucard, Integra or anyone else from the manga Hellsing, Kouta Hirano still created the characters for manga, well, the anime is just a bonus.

Italics and / will be how Alucard contacts Seras.

**Order 04.**

Alucard was sitting thinking of what to do next as far as pranks; he already pranked the Major of Millennium and the Iscariot. _'It's always a perfect night for a good prank,'_ Alucard thought as a devious idea came into his mind, he knew he wasn't finished with Pip, the captain of the wild geese.

Pip forgot he was still in a pink tutu from the bored vampire, Alucard was going to use the peanut butter to make Pip dance of all things, Ballet. "Oh, I think it's time for your performance, Pip," Alucard said as he grabbed the jar of the crunchy peanut butter, Walter was making sure that Integra was sleeping, completely unaware that Alucard was going to make Pip dance.

Seras gave up on trying getting her master to stop, there was no way that she going to stop her master, not one little bit. _'I bet Master is going to make Pip dance with that jar of peanut butter,'_ Seras though as she lie in her coffin, Pip was running from Alucard after being made to dance…in front of Integra and with the crunchy peanut butter. Now Integra was now livid with Alucard for making Pip wear a pink tutu and now making him dance; now she didn't know what else Alucard was going to do next. _'Not to give Alucard any ideas, but I wouldn't put it past him to spike my tea,'_ Integra thought as she lie back in her bed, Walter left to go fix some tea for Integra. No one knew that Alucard was away from the Hellsing Headquarters at that moment, in fact, not even Seras knew where her master was.

"Miss Integra, I made some tea for you," Walter said as he sat up the tea for his employer, of course, Integra was very tough of a woman and really would refuse to let things affect her.

Especially when it came to a rather bored vampire pulling pranks, Alucard popped through the wall while he thought that no one was looking. _'Oh, this is nice, no one is looking,'_ Alucard thought as he looked around, he went over to the pot of tea and lifted the lid, in goes the contents of the bottle in the gloved hand. Ordinarily, Integra would just catch him, but she was sleeping, Walter was out of the room…that Seras wouldn't dare come into the room and stop him and Pip is mad at him for the tutu and the peanut butter. _/'Oh, police girl, I'm quite frisky right now, please come to my chambers right away,'/_ Alucard told Seras telepathically, it was written on his face that he was still bored.

Seras sat up in her coffin hearing her master's voice, she wondered if Integra was going to lock her master away in his cell. _/'Coming, Master,'/_ she makes it to his chambers by just blending right through the wall to his chambers as what she was taught, that was when Alucard had his shirt off and Seras blushed if she could blush. As if on cue, Seras went to Alucard to comfort the frisky feeling, she was giggling at her master's touch before someone was to open the door.

"Oh my, Alucard must have been here," Walter said as he went into Integra's room only to see a drunken Integra dancing around her room, Walter thought that Alucard may have had a hand of spiking the tea with a bottle of a liquor from a liquor store. Pip had to be called to help get Integra to calm down; Seras was preoccupied with her master knowing that he might have a hand in mischief.

"Master, do you think we'll be caught like this?" Seras asked as she sat on Alucard's lap snuggling close, Alucard thought of that but didn't care knowing he's going to be in trouble once Integra gets better from the blasted cold, but that didn't matter then as long as with Seras. As he sat with Seras on his lap, he was thinking of some more pranks he could pull on people, he was still bored.

"Yes, maybe, but not right now," Alucard said with his hand tracing Seras's neck, it was all before the door opened revealing a rather peeved butler and mercercenary. Seras disappeared through the wall back to her room; she knew that Alucard is going to be in trouble very soon once Integra woke up. _'Oh, this is nice, Walter is mad and I haven't done anything to him…yet, the French mercenary I can understand, but Walter?'_ Alucard thought as he looked at Walter, Pip was about to go grab Alucard rather roughly and make the vampire wear the pink tutu for the day.

Integra woke up with a headache from drinking the tea that was spiked, and she knew who did the spiking and was about to call his name. _'Oh, Alucard is in serious trouble when I get over this hangover,'_ Integra thought knowing Alucard is really digging a hole, surprisingly; most of the pranks pulled were harmless…except the ones he pulled on the Iscariot and the Major from Millennium.

Integra was really going to make Alucard pay, but that was just the obvious situation that was coming up. "Walter, where have you been?" Integra asked seeing a wet butler, of that, she wasn't going to like what she was going to hear from Walter. But what could be worse than a vampire bored out of his mind? Unless he had booby trapped his room, which was really hard to fathom. "I went to Master Alucard's room to ask him if he had a hand in spiking your tea," Walter wasn't finished, "he booby trapped his room with water buckets with chocolate milk of all things."

Integra couldn't believe her ears when she heard chocolate milk, which made her wonder why Alucard had chocolate milk in the first place. Pip finally comes to Integra's room with a super atomic wedgie; Integra's eyes went to the French mercenary as does Walter's eyes. "Oh, don't ask what that vampire did," Pip said steamed at Alucard for the wedgie, it wasn't really needed.

Seras looked at Pip a little shocked that Alucard would do something like that, it looked like that Alucard was going to replace Walter's clothes with a banana suit. "Walter, normally Alucard is calm, but when he gets bored, he gets mischievous," Integra said seeing what Alucard was fixing to do next, Walter was about to head to his room to see if Alucard was in his room. Something was up when it came to the mischievous behavior; Alucard was used to combat and not to be relaxed. "Walter, what is that you're wearing?" Integra nearly spit out her tea when she saw Walter, the former trashman was in a banana suit, and that was it, Alucard really had gone off the deep end.

Walter wanted his clothes back and out of the banana suit, what was worse was that his underwear was replaced by men's thong underwear. "Alucard was in my room and switched all my clothes, my dear," Walter said and knew that Alucard was getting worse, but the good thing was that this cold was getting better. Integra was really going to catch Alucard in mid prank, of course, she had a plan to catch and punish the mischievous vampire. "I know where he could be," Integra said as she got up to get dressed, Alucard was haunting a graveyard of all places with of all people, Seras Victoria.

Now the next thing Alucard was going to do was have some photos taken of him, well, if he could find a willing phototagrapher to take the pics. _'Oh what a lovely night, I love a night like this with Police Girl,'_ Alucard thought unaware that Walter, Integra and Pip were looking for him; Seras knew and didn't say anything. Integra was asking every shop owner if they had seen anything unusual when it came two people, and honestly, the shop keeper hadn't all day that day and he was about to close for the night. _'Oh, now what am I going to do?'_ Integra asked herself in thought; Walter and Pip were accosted by a phototagrapher holding some prints, he was wondering why Alucard and Seras wouldn't show up in the photos he took. Walter showed Integra the photos the phototagrapher had taken, Integra had finally had gotten the idea of where her vampire and his fledgling went to.

"Master, what are we doing in a cemetery in the dead of night?" Seras ask Alucard who was for some reason was setting up another picnic, but this is not what Seras was expecting out of her master. Alucard knew he was still quite bored and doing something with Seras that was quite nice under the light of a moon, of that, Alucard should have know that it's winter and not spring.

"Police girl, we are going to relax for a change," Alucard said moving to kiss Seras until he saw the eyes of Integra, then he knew he was in trouble with the leader of Hellsing.

Alucard was struggling to get away when Integra grabbed his ear to star dragging her vampire back to the Hellsing Mansion; Seras followed behind as usual with Walter…the butler was still dressed as a banana. "Master, you're not serious that you'd do that punishment on me," Alucard whined as he was being dragged back, Integra hadn't said anything about any punishments…yet.

Seras stayed out of trouble while Integra started of thinking of what to do with Alucard, and that was before he decided to cause anymore trouble than what he already did. _'I simply cannot have my servant causing trouble because he's bored,'_ Integra thought as she sat at her desk looking over reports and other papers, she had made Alucard give Walter his clothes and underwear and apologize to Pip for the tutu and the wedgie. But Alucard had other plans regarding Pip and pranks, or maybe the Wild Geese, Integra should have known that Alucard would still pull some more pranks.

And Alucard knew that Integra should be watching, he didn't want to pull pranks if she was.

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I'm really sorry if this is really late, I have had computer problems…naming me clicking on a link that should have never been clicked on in the beginning. Well, I'm still going to write this story as long as I can get some ideas, so, please continue to help me with that!

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For my reviewers:

In-a-deadly-embrace: Yes, he is, I just don't overwhelm the story with that; I want a balance the romance with the humor really well.

I-sold-my-soul-for-a-cookie: Lol! I'm glad you think it's funny! I will have more up soon!

GhostLoverXD: Thanks for the Review on the 1st chapter; I really appreciated that, check out more of the fanfiction!

Iced diamond: I hope you like this chapter, I had gotten to where Alucard is still bored and he still pulls pranks. Well, enjoy!

Hellsing's 2nd Nosferatu: I know, but you really can't blame Alucard for pulling something like that on the Iscariot though. Well, enjoy this chapter!

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Please, Please read and leave a review, if not, Alucard will come and bite you!


	5. Itching powder and Invisible Ink

Alucard's Day Off

By Charmed Wolf

The disclaimer is still the same as the four previous chapters; I do not own the characters of Hellsing, including Alucard. Kouta Hirano created the story and the characters for Hellsing; they will remain with their creator. This story is just that of fiction and something to make you laugh, and I appreciate the reviews and the ideas that came; although I do use them.

**Order 05.**

Alucard was sitting in his chambers awaiting punishment from Integra, if she hadn't done anything to his coffin. He was weary of sleeping in his coffin thinking something was in there that might jump out at him, Seras was in her own room asleep hoping that her master wouldn't call for her soon. "Pip, what do you have there?" Integra had to ask and open that can of worms, Walter saw what it was…itching powder. But the box was empty since Pip put the itching in Alucard's coffin and clothes, it was no wonder that he was itching. It was pay back for all the pranks that had happened and will happen, still Alucard was still bored and still wanting to play some more pranks to more people.

_'I wonder what would happen if I sneak to the kitchen, hmmm,'_ Alucard was stewing on the thought he had, despite he was really itching from the itching power. It made Alucard wonder if that was Pip's pay back for the pink tutu and the crunchy peanut butter, Seras was sitting in her room reading not bothering to stop her master from going into the kitchen, especially when Walter was there.

_'Ah, luckily, Walter isn't here, now's my chance,'_ Alucard said as a jar espresso beans out, he was having a hard time on keeping a straight face and keeping from scratching. It made him wonder if Integra was going to punish him at all for all the pranks he pulled, Seras hadn't been in the kitchen yet to help Walter with the feeding of the Vampires. "Master, I just hope you don't get caught doing what I think you're doing," Seras said as she saw Alucard hid the tea in his coat, she wished she hadn't seen that since she could tell Integra what Alucard had done. But it looked like Alucard wasn't going to let her as he pinned her against the wall about to kiss her, Alucard fazed back into his chambers with Seras the moment Walter walked into the kitchen. "Um, master, do you think Walter will notice what you did?" Seras asked as Alucard started to kiss her neck, it was a stupid question…Seras knew that.

Alucard didn't bother answering Seras's question, that Walter didn't know that Alucard had switched the tea with the espresso beans. "Never mind that, Seras, and don't call me master," Alucard said hoping that Seras heard him; meanwhile, Integra was getting hyper from the espresso. That's when it hit Walter what Alucard had done in the kitchen, the old butler called for Pip to come and help with Integra. "That vampire had switched the tea to espresso," Walter told Pip before leaving Pip alone with a very hyper Integra, Seras, on the other hand, was being pinned to the wall by her master.

It made her wonder what made her master flip his lid, but it hits her, her master was insane a long time ago and it was nothing new. "Seras, I want you so much," Alucard said before putting her on his lap, this had really startled her as Alucard pulled her onto his lap. It was just before Walter opened the door to Alucard's chambers, he forgot that there was a bucket of hot sauce above the door.

"Alucard, what was with the espresso and the hot sauce?" the hot sauce covered butler asked looking at Alucard, the vampire was too busy laughing about the hot sauce. Seras was bewildered on how her master had gotten so much hot sauce when Sir Integra is bouncing off the wall from the espresso, Pip, poor guy, he was having a hard time getting the Lady Hellsing. "Walter, to make it worse, it's almost Halloween, my favorite time of the year," Alucard said with a smirk, Walter knew that Alucard was right. No wonder Alucard and Seras were in a cemetery having a picnic, since they were vampires, they didn't show up in the picture that they had taken the night before.

"Sometimes I hate it when you're right, Alucard, I suppose I shouldn't stew in this hot sauce any longer," after Walter said that, he left the chambers to take a bath to wash off the hot sauce.

Alucard wasn't about to mention that the hot sauce was made of habeñeroes, that was when Walter screamed in pain from the hot sauce. "Or was that the Ghost chili, I can't remember which pepper it was," Alucard mused for a bit before returning his attention to Seras, several hours later and several cups of tea later, Integra was off the espresso high that she had when Alucard decided to be rather an idiot. "I want to see Alucard in my office so I can deal with him personally," Integra said feeling a headache coming on; she knew that Alucard loved to dig himself a grave. She sat at her desk waiting for her servant to come in, but she wasn't expecting to see Alucard in his underwear.

"Why in the bloody hell are you in your underwear, Alucard?" Integra asked looking at her servant, Alucard had taken off his clothes, at least he wasn't naked, and then that really would be just plain odd. Walter was picking up Alucard's clothes that had been strewn about the mansion; Alucard didn't want to be in his clothes again because of the itching powder. "Alucard, you better get your clothes back on," Integra said looking at Alucard, but he was refusing to put his clothes back on.

Pip didn't find it funny, just plain weird was what he was thinking as Seras came into the office to collect her master. "Master, what in the bloody hell are you doing in your underwear?" Seras asked as she saw the orange and black bat boxers, the only thing that wasn't filled with the itching powder that Pip somehow had gotten while out on mission or something like that. Alucard was about to chase the mercenary around the mansion, Integra was about to have Alucard tranquilized.

Pip looked to see if Alucard was still there, sadly, yes he was, so he hid in a closet. "Oh, this is nice, our mercenary is hiding in a closet," Alucard was laughing with Pip Bernadette not wanting to come out, Seras couldn't really blame the French mercenary for being in the closet. It took Seras and Walter to move the insane vampire from the closet door, Pip still didn't want to get out of the closet.

"But, Captain Bernadette, Alucard is in his coffin in his underwear," Integra said as she tried to coax the French mercenary out, Alucard was back to itching and thinking of ideas of what to pull next. Seras was in her room until she heard her master's voice; he wanted to 'play' because he was bored…well, that's was how he got into the mess in the first place. _/'Police girl, please come to my chambers, I'm bored,'/_ Alucard said through mental telelepathy, Seras groaned at the voice knowing her master got himself into a real mess when he started the pranks in the first place.

She went to her master's chambers as directed; there he sat in his throne and not even in his boxers. "So I take it Walter made you get dressed with a bucket of ice," Seras said trying not to crack up, she knew she was receiving a glare from Alucard. It was a funny thought and she could see Walter with a bucket of ice, after all he had been covered in chocolate milk and now hot sauce.

"Seras, that wasn't funny," Alucard already knew that Seras knew that, she knelt down and laid her head in Alucard's lap. She started to purr as Alucard started to stroke her hair with a gloved hand, Alucard liked when he was alone with Seras like he was at that moment in his chambers.

"Master, what are we going to do with the time to ourselves?" Seras asked quietly as not to get to loud, and the only response that Alucard could give was the kiss on the lips. That really surprised Seras, she could only return the kiss thinking that she could get used to it. _'Despite the fact my master is utterly insane, I can get used to being with him,'_ Seras though snuggling into her master's lap, Pip was still think of ways to pay Alucard back for all the pranks. Walter didn't want Alucard to be disturbed when Seras is in the chambers, the old butler wasn't mad now at Alucard for switching the tea to espresso…all though it made him wonder where Alucard gotten the espresso beans.

"Walter, where did that vampire get the espresso beans?" Integra asked after she had calmed down, that was what Walter was trying to figure out about the vampire in the basement with Seras.

Then it hits Integra, Alucard was in Rome pranking the Section XIII Iscariot with the hornet nests in the bathrooms in there headquarters. "I think Alucard had gotten the beans in Rome," Integra said simply to Walter, the old butler just nodded as he went about his business of serving Integra her tea for the afternoon. By then, Seras and Alucard were asleep in each other arms.

_'Alucard, I love you so much,'_ Seras thought as she lie asleep in Alucard's arms, and in his coffin no less, that wasn't weird or a part of any plan. It was just two sleepy vampires just trying to rest before Alucard's next prank, the next day was going to be Halloween, Alucard's favorite holiday.

_'This feels right, I have my No-life Queen in my arms,'_ Alucard though as he purred, it made Seras giggle in her sleep hearing her No-life King and master purr. Seras didn't want to leave Alucard's arms for any reason, yet, it was night now and the vampires were supposed to be up.

_'Ah time to pull more pranks and it's my favorite holiday, Halloween,'_ what Alucard didn't know was that Seras had bought him present; he didn't know what it could be until he had opened it.

In the box was a cravat that had a bat on it, of course Seras didn't know when Alucard's birthday was, so she made up for it by giving him a bat cravat to wear. "Why thank you, Seras, it means a lot to me," Alucard said in a genuine emotion, Seras was pleased that her master and lover loved the bat cravat. It was that Alucard decided to wear his new cravat that very night, and pull some really awful pranks…on Integra and hopefully not get caught by his master. "Funny, I can't find my pen, it can't just disappear," Integra said looking around for her pen, Alucard had replaced the pen with one that wrote with invisible ink. Even Walter got into helping Integra to find her pen, she realized Alucard was there and he had switched pens on her…she had been pranked by her servant.

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Okay, I'm sorry if this is really late, but it's better late than never. Well, I have another fan fiction in the works, and it is a crossover between Vampire Hunter D and Rurouni Kenshin. It's my second attempt since my first attempt didn't go so well, I hope this will go better like this fan fiction I had been writing. So anyway, enjoy this chapter, and laugh to your hearts content!

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For my reviewers:

Iced Diamond: I appreciate your reviews and your ideas, they are so funny and really good ideas. I like the itching powder idea and used that, I think I will stay with the itching powder idea after Integra finds her pen. Oh Alucard is in major trouble with his master!

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Please read and review! I don't want to call Integra to release her servant on you!


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